Normal is boring - Dad speaks, Simi listens and Life just goes on!

Normal is boring - Dad speaks, Simi listens and Life just goes on!

Oct. 25th, 2007 07:02 am Dad speaks, Simi listens and Life just goes on!
"Karthik, dinner's ready." My mom called out while I was listening to My Sacrifice by Creed on Radio City. She came near and in a low voice said, "I told your dad about it." I felt like a 10,000 volt stupor hit me! "What?" I was flabbergasted, "Ma, I wanted to tell him myself. I had it all planned out. You've just...god! You women kind can never keep secrets, can you? Ok, what did he say?" I asked anxiously. "He said nothing. Probably he wouldn't even talk to you about it until you start." I knew it was going to be a bad night. Heated arguments, sentimental issues, guilt pricking and unwanted tensions; we had had none of these in our house. But I saw it all coming down in one night.


At the dinner table
It took me sometime to come out of my bedroom, for the dinner table seemed like a battle ground to me! My hunger died with the very thought of talking to my dad. But I knew I couldn't escape it and I had to face this some day or the other. My dad sat next to me. I gulped the air that was stuck in my throat and with head bent down I had my eyes fixed on my plate. Even after five minutes, daddy spoke nothing! So I gathered up all my courage to break the ice, "Appa, I wanted to tell it myself. I was actually..." "What's her name?" he cut me without looking at my face. "Simi" I answered, "Simi Jacob Thomas." There was a smile on his face. "Bring her home tomorrow evening", he said. It made me smile too, for I felt glad to hear something like that while I expected a huge argument to spurt out. None of us spoke anything else that night. It turned out to be a total anti-climax of what I had imagined! I got back to my room after dinner, but couldn't sleep for most part of the night since I was dreaming with open eyes about the day that was to come the next morning!



The day did come
The day did come; probably one of the most important days of my life. I told Simi that my dad wanted to meet her and also that he wasn't fussed up or anything like that and instead smiled about it. Simi didn't know what to tell, she too was very happy I thought. A year and a half of our secret relationship, a secret known to the world but hidden to our parents, was about to pay off. So, on that day, we just didn't care about whether we had completed our work or not. We left office at 4.30 in the evening, just to make sure that we don't get stuck in that dreaded Hosur road traffic. Simi left her car parked in the office itself and we both went in my car. That wasn't the first time I had driven with Simi in my Honda City, but somehow, all along the way home, my dreaming about the car being decorated with flowers and a big "Just Married" sign on a heart shaped board, made that ride very special to me!

We reached home by quarter past five. Summer time; my dad was sitting on the swing in the lawn, reading a newspaper. He got up as he saw us coming. "Namaste Uncle", Simi said folding her hands. My dad smiled back. "Hello, nice to meet you", he greeted her, "come, let's go inside", he took us in. My mom was watching tv in the hall and as we entered she got up from the sofa and switched off the tv. "Get something", my dad said to my mom and within minutes a lot of things were ready on the tea table. "Please have it" my dad said and we both started munching. "Aunty, I really like this. Kaduburight? Karthik gives me every time you send it in his lunch box. In fact, I've eaten almost every dish that you cook. You really cook very nicely aunty." Simi said looking at my mom. My mom just smiled back as a thank youto Simi's compliments.



Setting the stage!
"Sorry child, I forgot your name." My dad said. Simi was busy eating, but she'd heard it. "Uh? Uncle? Simi. My name is Simi", she replied. "Aaah! Simi Jacob Thomas, right?" My dad asked. "Yes", Simi replied and looked at my face with her eyebrows slightly raised. I did nothing else but show my teeth. There was a wide smile on my dad's face too. "What?" I asked him. "Karthik Subramanya Shastry weds Simi Jacob Thomas, somehow sounds very funny to me", he said. The smile on my face slowly reduced in width and finally when I saw the expression on Simi's face change as she took a bite of the kadubu, my smile completely died out. My dad was quick to react. He looked at Simi and said, "Oh please don't feel offended. I don't mean to hurt you. But child, I'm going to ask you a few questions and also tell you some things over which you'll need to think calmly." Uh oh! Something's coming! I told myself. Simi seemed to have heard what I'd just said in silence. She kept the half bitten kadubu back on the plate.



The talk!
"Simi. Since how long do you know Karthik?" My dad started shooting.
"About a year and a half" Simi replied.
"Do you think that's enough to know him?"
"I guess so. Yes. That's quite enough." Simi nodded her head up and down.
"Hmm...Tell me one thing, do your parents know about this?"
"No uncle. I was about to tell them; after we took your permission."
"And how did you assume that I will say 'yes'?" My dad was still smiling. But the expression on our faces had taken a U-turn from extreme bliss to total awe by now! Although both of us knew that we would have to face our parents' opposition, the way my dad had reacted since the night before had sprung up some positive thoughts in both of us. So this was a bit of a shock indeed.
"Simi, Simi. My dear child. I know most of what I tell you will make you feel like not listening to me. I just want you both to have the best and I know very well that it will not be so if you happen to marry." Our faces now looked like the sad emoticon that we use in our Office Communicator. But my dad continued :-(

"Where do your parents stay?"
"Kozhikode, Kerala."
"What does your father do?"
"He retired as a Branch Manager in SBI last month. Now he serves as an evangelist at a church nearby".
"How many siblings do you have?"
"We are four. I have a brother and two sisters."
"You must be the youngest", my dad was bang on!
"Yes", Simi replied, a little surprised. I knew, like me, she too wanted to know how on earth he got that!
"I pity your poor dad. He seems to be a pious man. If I, being the father of the boy, feel so sad about this whole thing, I can imagine how much pain that man will go through." My dad let out a long sigh. Somehow the things he spoke started to get on my nerves and I thought I had to do some talking.
"What's wrong with this dad? I don't understand why you people should be worried. Simi and I like each other, we understand each other very well, we both have good jobs in hand, what else do we need?"
"I was waiting for you to open your mouth", my dad said in a sarcastic tone. "See. You are talking only about you both; that you like each other, that you have good jobs. Then, tell me honestly, when you have decided about everything, why do you need my permission, or even her parents' permission? You can as well marry and later just inform us, right? If you feel that you will anyways go ahead no matter what, then I see no point in discussing this anymore." My dad stood up.
"No uncle", Simi interrupted, "I want to listen to you." I looked at Simi with an evident frown on my face. "Please, let us talk about it. I too want to know what you feel about this." She requested my dad. But I wasn't keen on listening. I just sat with my face turned away, staring at the door.

My dad sat down. "Simi, marriage is not a child's play dear. At least in our society, it's not centered just around two people. If you had, for at least once, thought practically about your relationship, you wouldn't have carried it so far. You both are in love and that will make you think you can get along anything that comes your way. Child, married life in itself has thousand and one problems. You have to make sure that you don't invite more problems just by taking a hasty decision.

"The first thing is, I'm more than a hundred percent sure that your family will not whole heartedly accept my son as their son-in-law and after this marriage, believe me, your relationship with your parents and siblings will never be the same. Even if they come to accept it at a later point of time, they will just be pretending. Some relationships if broken, take a long time to patch up and if they had been very close, it takes a lifetime. Coming out of home and living a life of your own sounds very good like in movies and stories, but the truth is, you cannot stay away from your parents forever; at least not until they are alive."

Simi was listening without blinking her eyes. "After that, come your individual dogmas. You know, his mother celebrates at home, almost every festival that's listed on the almanac. She will feel uncomfortable to let you around and get you involved. Even if she and you get along after sometime, I will guarantee, it will be limited to our house alone. You will never be invited to any function that will happen in our relatives' homes. At first, you might feel ok about it. But when Karthik will feel the pinch in his heart to know the fact that his wife is not welcomed in his relatives' places and because of that he too cannot attend those so very fun filled family gatherings that he was always a part of, he too will start to repent.

"Then there are your food habits. You are a meat eater and my son is a pure vegetarian, well at least I think so. But I don't know if he has started that too."

Simi was already feeling guilty I guess. "No, he doesn't eat. But I have stopped", she said.

"See. You have lost a part of yourself. You know, for your love to carry on with the same fervor forever, you should accept the person you love as he or she is, without being directly or indirectly forced to change for the sake of love. In my opinion, that's true love and everything else is just a compromise. You have given up eating meat, good; but every time you come across that, you'll always be tempted. It's perfectly ok and it's because you have been brought up in such a culture where it is almost compulsory to eat meat, whereas my son has grown up amongst people who dislike even the sight and smell of it.

"And then, you both are connected by English, a language that's not the mother tongue of either of you. I am not telling it's a bad language, but you know, it is always the mother tongue that gives you the personal touch, the closer-to-heart feeling while you talk to your, be it husband or any other person. Don't tell me that love knows no language; it is all theory and is only good for the books. The day you see a couple in love talking in your language and having those sweet little verbal fights or name-calling, in words that you can best express only in a language that is closer to your heart, you will know what you are missing.

Simi was static. "Next thing is about your kids. My mother used to tell me a proverb in Kannada - Appa amma eradu daari aadare, makkaLu naaku daari anthe, meaning If the father and mother go in two directions, their children will go in four. I don't know if I've put it correctly in English but I hope you've understood it. Forget your kids, you yourself will not be able to tell them whether they have to go to the church or the temple, to be a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian, to speak Malayalam or Kannada and many such things. Finally they end up growing in a big confusion about their language, their God, their culture and everything about themselves. They might even someday curse you for landing them in such a situation. You might say that they will choose the best of both cultures. But that can happen only after they have matured enough to take decisions on their own. But again, I bet they will not be able to do that too since they wouldn't have gained a complete understanding of either of those.

"Deep down inside, you feel that you are doing something wrong and that's what has kept you from telling your parents or else you would have told it on day one that you like this guy and might as well marry him. But you feel your parents might be hurt if you do that because you know very well that they can never see him as the right guy for you and from my point of view too, he's not. Trust me, even your parents wouldn't deny if you can prove it to them that he is the right person, but in this case, you'll not be able to do that! I just guessed that you must be the youngest because if you had somebody younger to you, a sense of guilt which makes you feel that you might just be setting a bad example to the younger ones, would have stopped you from thinking about Karthik as your life partner. But again good and bad depends entirely on your perspective and for youngsters like you, it is mostly influenced by your friends outside rather than the people at home.

Looks like he's not gonna stop until she walks out, I thought, still looking away. I did not interrupt only because Simi had stopped me from it. You asked for it Simi. Now you have it. I wasn't anymore interested in disturbing her.

"I too feel that I've slipped somewhere. If only I had talked about all such things to my son a long time back, he would have been more careful in choosing his life partner. But I never realized that he had grown up so much and today I feel I'm paying for my mistake. You know, you should make your children do what you feel is right until they turn 16. Then on, till 30, you should just tell them what they should do and let them do what they feel is right and after 30 there's no use of telling too. So now, I'll only have to give my suggestion and heeding to it or discarding it, is left to you both.

"I know that a lot of people of your age fear arranged marriages these days and that fear is because you feel you don't know that person properly. But then, why do you think we have the concept of engagement. Get engaged before at least six months of marriage and you can get to know each other fairly during that period. If you don't think it will work out, you have lost nothing, right? Now if it doesn't work out once, it's never that you will not find someone better. You'll always do and sometimes you will realize it after you get married to someone who you then thought was the best! In case you love somebody with whom everybody around you and especially your parents will be comfortable with, engagement is just a formality.

"Anyways, I can already see from his face that he is not very happy to listen to me. So let's finish it off. But a sincere request from my side - before you listen to what your heart says, just give a chance to your brain to think about it." My dad finally finished his lecture!

Nobody spoke for a moment. Finally Simi broke her silence, "Uncle, now I realize why it is important to discuss with elders. No doubt, I had never thought about many things that you told now. Please give me some time. I will definitely think about it. Thank you very much for letting me know your point of view", she said and stood up. Oh Mistress of assertiveness skills, you forgot to paraphrase - I wanted to tell loudly but somehow controlled myself.

"Sure dear. I know it's not easy. Take your time. And thanks. I'm happy that at least you said you will think about it. God bless you", my dad blessed her as Simi touched his feet before leaving.

"Karthik", he looked at me and said, "go drop her till home and come back."
Sigh! Don't worry. I'll not run away with her.



And then, it was evident..
Simi did not speak to me for some days in the office. I had sort of understood what she wanted to convey. My dad had brainwashed her. If only I had never let her talk to my dad I thought. But Simi was anytime more mature than me. She had taken time not only to think about it but also to speak with her parents; and the story on the other side was no different. Luckily, I did not get an invitation from her father to talk to him! Finally Simi told me, what is usually told by girls, that we would be better off as friends rather than being a husband and wife. But it was really difficult for me to look at her as "just a friend". Fortunately I got an onsite assignment at that time which kept me away from her for almost 10 months. I somehow managed to get over the gloom during that period. It was only after that I realized my dad too was right in a way. True. At least sometimes in life, you got to listen to your elders.

Today, Simi and I are married; to different people of course, and the best part is that we both have found very good friends as our life partners. Instead of whining over what could not happen, we have just moved on with so many other beautiful things that actually happened and of course, we are more than satisfied with whatever we have in our lives. It's like they say, if it had been any better, it would be a sin ;-)

That's it!

The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story

The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.


You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.


You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...


Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...



That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.


Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...

The Wonderful Story - Life is about correcting mistakes

Rutali married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Rutali's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: 'Rutali, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.
When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.
Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.
I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.
When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Rutali shared this with Hitesh when getting home.
They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Rutali
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Rutali got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
..... and so on...
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much.
They regretted that they had married the nastiest people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Rutali talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how
I decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first.
Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first.
You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Rutali thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked.
Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Rutali. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000.
And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

"When you fall, in any way,
Don't see the place where you fell, instead see the place from where you slipped.
Life is about correcting mistakes."

Guy, Age >=22 And Still Single

Please please please…………..read till end it worth…..
My target readers
If you are a guy, age >=22 and still single....welcome to the club. Read this very seriously.
If you are a guy, not single then reading this is not worth your time.
If you are a girl there is nothing new here, I know most of you are omniscient.
On a random day, at a random place you come across a random girl and you get an instant feeling that she is the "one" for you. In the next few mins of talk, the inevitable question comes up "Are you on Orkut?"...Now that's the beginning. You take her email ID, flick her chat ID from Orkut and start loading her inbox with messages, forwards, funny mails, quotes etc etc., . You are always online for her and the moment you comes online the question pops up on her window, "Hey hi, wass up?" You always go to places where there is a chance of seeing her. You try to run in to her and pretend that it was accidental. You wear nice dresses and try to look good on the days when there is a high probability of meeting her. After that you take her phone number and start calling her every day. For the first few days she picks up the phone, then slowly she starts giving the busy tone and the next stage is total avoidance. But, you always believe that she is interested in you or at least you don't want to accept the truth. For some of you the big day comes when you express your feelings to her and you don't even have to wait for her reply, it is generally, "I did not see you in that way, can we be just friends?". Some don't even reach that stage, they hide their feelings, but in either case one thing is common, the girl's name ends up being the password for the next few months.
As soon as they realize that they have reached the "age", guys start trying to impress girls. Some try to show-off that they are smart and some have this weird belief that girls consider stupid guys as cute. Intelligence to innocence, being introvert to extrovert, being classy to messy, strong to weak ...anything and everything, every guy has own strategy. I don't know who came up with this quote "Everything is fair in love and war", he (not she) must probably have been one of them. I don't know why guys fail to understand that girls are smart enough to understand all these and why would not they? Even before they realize that they are "girls", guys start hitting on them, one after the other, day and night, not allowing them even to breathe properly.
After reading till here some of you might be in dilemma whether you are really desperate or not. It's very easy to come to a conclusion. Take a paper and answer the following questions in Yes or No
1. Whenever you see a girl walking on the road ahead of you, Do you increase your walking speed, walk past her and then turn back to see her face?
2. Do you become very conscious about what you are talking, when you are around with girls?
3. Do you try to be cool or someone else in order to impress girls?
4. Do you think staying clam or moody when in a group makes the girl think about you?
5. You ask a girl to join you for lunch or coffee; do you think a YES from other side is an indication that she is interested in you?
6. Do you keep staring at girls?
7. Are you ready to date a girl even if she is around with someone else as well?
8. Is "Girls" the main topic of all your discussions with your friends?
If you find even a single "YES" in the paper then YOU ARE DESPERATE. Be a man, accept it.
Now the real question "What not to do when you are desperate about having a girl friend?"
Did you actually believe that I would come up with some solution or tips? Had I known it, would I be still single? It was just a trick to make you guys read this one. But, I have one tip though, first and foremost STOP being desperate. I know that it is difficult. At least try not to show that you are desperate. The rule is simple, "No one in this world cares for a thing that is easily gettable" and FYI girls are never worried about finding a guy and why do they have to? Did you ever come across a girl who never had a BF or never been proposed by a guy? If yes, then that's a miracle, you met a rare species or an extinct one in this world.
If you got the tip that you wanted and don't want to read any further it's fine. But, I would recommend reading further. Trust me, keep reading.
We know that we are the ones who make the girls realize that they are important, treat them as if they are precious, tell them that they are beautiful and show that they are in demand. We buy them gifts, spend all the money we have, do their work, roam around with them all the time, carry their stuff and in the end what do we get in return? a few thanks and an offer to be a good friend. Do we need all this? If 1/1000 th of the time wasted on a girl is spent on a guy you will find a friend for a lifetime. Just play some game together or watch a movie, give him a cigarette or buy him a drink and that is it. Realize that spending a night with your friends drinking till everyone pukes, having a hangover throughout the next day is more fun than spending the same night with your girl in a pub buying her drinks, talking crap, listening crap, making some crap moves..... What ever.
I know that at some point of time in your life you might have realized all this. But, there is a need to educate the rest and also pass on the message to the future generations. I dream of a day when guys are in demand and girls start worrying about finding a guy. I hope the day comes soon.
If you are still desperate, you need a second read.
Suggestion.: to the girls: If you think that some guy is crazy about you and trying hard to impress you, please tell him immediately if you are not interested.

The 12 Rules of Time

The 12 Rules of Time
Maximizing the return, be that productivity, happiness, peace, or impact of time can be accomplished if you clearly understand the 12 Rules of Time.
Rule 1 – Have Goals
Being more efficient with your time is irrelevant if you do not know how you want to spend it. In managing time, it is the compass, not the clock that is more important. Know where you want to go and spend your time on the things that get you there.
Many people spend energy trying to be more efficient without first doing the more important – setting goals. Like being lost driving to a city, it does not help to drive faster if you are not going in the right direction. Figure out what direction to go and go in that direction.
It is from your list of goals that you can determine what is important to you.
Rule 2 – Analyze how you spend your time
It is always good to know how you spend your time now. This can be done by setting a timer every 15 minutes and writing down what you are doing. It can be done by blocking the day in 15-minute blocks and recording the activity you do. You can track it with software - Track-it software by DOVICO for instance.
Once you have your time logs, examine them. How do they compare to your goals? Are you spending time where your priorities really are?
Rule 3 – Have a To Do List
This sounds too simple but is the basis of all time management systems. The To Do List can be electronic, on fancy paper, bound in a notebook or loose-leaf. The key is to have everything you want to do on one list. My To Do List might have a one line item on it such as, write annual report, this refers me to a much larger file or even a file box on that item.
Rule 4 – Prioritize your To Do List
Once you have the list – determine what are the important items. Mark these with a highlighter, red pen, or some other way to make them stand out.
I sometimes find my To Do List is too big. Every item on the list is calling out "do me, do me" even though they are not one of the ones I have marked as important. In these cases, I take a blank sheet of paper and cover my To Do List and write down only the 3 or 4 most important items.
Rule 5 – Control Procrastination
There are a number of tricks I use to break any procrastination I might have. I happen to like having a hard copy of my To Do List. I reprint it every few days as things have been added and dropped. It is at these times that I look for items that are high priority but not getting done.
People often say I have great self-control. Some of it is self-control but a lot of it is environment control. I control my environment to eliminate things that I might use to procrastinate; for example, take games off your computer, sell your TV, get rid of the busy work jobs that you use to avoid the important tasks.
One effective habit I have formed that has broken me through more procrastination is "do the worst thing first". At the beginning of everyday, I do the one task that is causing me stress and that I am not getting done. Sometimes I just give it fifteen minutes on the theory that I can stand anything for fifteen minutes. Frequently it is this short thrust that breaks me through.
If I still find myself procrastinating, I review my reasons for a goal. I strengthen the reasons why to give myself motivation to complete a task. Some people reward themselves (or punish) for completing a job.
Rule 6 – Organize
Organization and time management are linked. I find that I get important things done when I have all the tools I need to perform the job.
The opposite of organization – disorganization - generally leads to busy work. If your desk is piled high – every piece of paper says "do me, do me". You might end up doing a lot but never getting to the important work.
Rule 7 – Delegate
One way to expand your time is to get others to help you with it. You might say you have no one who works for you. No problem – delegate to a peer, your superior, a supplier, or even a customer. The key in delegation is to look at what someone else can do significantly easier or faster than you.
In some cases you will need to invest upfront to train someone, but frequently the long-term savings are worth the upfront time spent.
Treat delegation like networking. Who in your network would be best for the job?
After delegation, remember to thank appropriately. You might think people would resent being delegated to, but exactly the opposite is true. People like to be asked; especially if it is something they are good at.
Rule 8 – Master Efficiency tricks.
The most powerful trick I have found is "the Power of while". What can you do while you drive? While you walk? While you clean? While you watch TV? I am a huge audiotape advocate and frequently listen to tapes while I am doing something else.
Of course being a techno person, I love all the organization software out there that allows me to keep my contacts, To Do List, and appointments. I also use many of the gadgets like wireless email, cell phones and personal Digital Assistants. Good use of technology can save you time.
A product like Doveco’s Track-it allows a user to track how they use their time. This works great for billing or R and D time tracking but more importantly can be used to track how time is spent (see Rule 2)
Rule 9 – It is OK to say No
Saying "No" can be the most powerful time tool you can master. Ask yourself when asked to do something – is it important? Does it help you with your goals? Is this something you would be better at than most other people? Now this does not mean that I always say no. If I say no, I am always polite and tactful and I try to suggest someone else who would do the job well.
Rule 10 – Focus
One hundred percent focus and concentration on one task at a time can be very powerful; eliminate distraction, focus on the task. When properly organized and prepared and when your energy and power are high, you can frequently complete a task in twenty percent of the time it would take to do it without high focus.
Rule 11 – Build your efficiency bank
High efficiency is not possible if you do not look after yourself; eat right, exercise, sleep well; drink moderately. All the things your mom told you were good for you are good for your efficiency.
I believe that meditation also can be a great way of building your efficiency. It gives you the power to do more during the times you are being "productive."
Rule 12 – Take care of yourself
It is not possible to be "on" 100% of the time. Taking care of yourself refers to the time you need to spend looking after yourself to allow yourself to be efficient. Have a list of things you like to do. Find out what energizes you and spend time doing them. These things give you the power and energy to be productive when you return to work.
Finally, if you read all this and feel overwhelmed by what you want to accomplish, you need to go back to Rule 1 and add peace (contentment) as one of your goals. Time management is not about adding stress; it is about giving you the time to be what you want to be.