Thursday, July 5, 2007

THE SECRET TO A LASTING MARRIAGE: EMBRACE IMPERFECTION

THE SECRET TO A LASTING MARRIAGE: EMBRACE IMPERFECTION

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner
everynow and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had
made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and
extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if
anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my
mom, and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching
him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got
up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to
my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said: 'Baby,
I love burned toast.'

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he
really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, 'Debbie,
your momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides-a
little burnt toast never hurt anyone!'

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner and the kindness
my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory from my childhood
that I'll never forget. And it's one that came to mind just recently when
Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late... as usual... and decided we would have breakfast
food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to
cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under
control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes
later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the
oven!

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of
bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had
been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread.
So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about
the toast. But all I got was a 'Thank you!' I watched as he ate bite by
bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead,
all Jack said was, 'Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I
know you had a hard day.'

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom
and dad... how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly
thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't a deal-breaker
either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not
the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that
Jack isn't the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he
will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many
sports. Believe it or not, watching 'Golf Academy' is not my idea of a
great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the
imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make
each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate ourdifferences.

You might say that we've learned to love each other for who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm
even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the
other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer's
dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less!
Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very
much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can predict
his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows
whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best
friends. We've traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops.
And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day
to make this thing called 'marriage' work!

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's
faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is the one
of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting
marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good,
the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet
of GOD. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give
you a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker!

For those who r Married as well as for those who wil get Married soon.....

For those who r Married as well as for those who wil get Married soon .....

Sharing a few thoughts for Would - be grooms

For Would-Be Grooms:

Rule.No.1 - Never compare your mamma's cooking with your wife's! There is no faster way to dig your own grave than that! Please understand that your mom's cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of experience....don't expect that from your wife whose hardly into the process! What if she were to compare your earning capacity with her dad's!!! So shshshhhhh....!!!

Rule.No.2 : Never go out of your way to please the lady with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your engagement period. If ever you do , please follow it up post-wedding too! When you could cover 20kms in 15 minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time with her, how dare you forget her birthday post - marriage, even after you are given the broadest of hints by her! Remember expectations always double...ever heard of them being halved ???

Rule.No.3: Do compliment her every now and then, verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies and Archies gift cards for? Don't sit there like the Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of course she will do it but everyone likes to be appreciated and pampered!!!!

Rule.No.4: This is very important! Sulking or complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a strict NO -NO !! You got into it with your eyes wide open, brimming with enthusiasm !! No one ever pushed you into it! So why this drama now!

Rule.No.5: Be Brave and take your own decisions and stand up by them !!Consult your parents for advice but realise that you are grown up enough to lead your life! Respect your partner's views at all times! Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life with you!!


Sharing thoughts for Would - be Brides.

(Don't know how many will take it in the right sense. BUt stil...)

Rule.No.1. Don't expect too much from him. Less the expectations lesser the disappointments.

Rule.No.2. Don't ever dare to plan any outing or movie on a day when there is an interesting cricket match going on. REMEMBER SPORTS is more important to him than anything else. U spoil his day n He spoils urs

Rule.No.3. Over Emotions, Sentiments... Woha... What are these? Tears are not going to give any results either. It's just a temp. attention tht u get. No one likes Cry Babies m Whining Wifes.

Rule.No.4. Never dare to cross with his mother.Even if he says "My Mom's cooking is the best. U are nothing in front of her." take it easily with a smile. Tell him tht u are learning from his mother and will try to do it better. U are not gonna lose anything!

Rule.No.5. Try to know his friends and understand that they are also part of his world.Allow him to spend few weekends or occasional night out parties with his friends.But at the same time make sure that u get u r due importance! It must not be tht he roams arnd with his friends forgetting that you exist at home.

Rule.No.6. Don't start fighting for silly things.Forgetting bthdays n Anniversaries is not a big mistake. Men are not blessed with 2 GB RAM for storing everything in main memory.If you are very particular abt present gifts n parties on u r bthdays n anniversaries.make sure u remind them well in advance by some means (I know it sounds stupid. But if u are so particular,Do it for u r own good)

Rule.No.7. Take him for your shopping only if he's interested.If you are going for Window Shopping or for saree purchase,Better go with your friends/go alone.He is better at office/home watching cricket.

Rule.No.8. Give him importance always. Show due care and affection.Tht 's the only way to win a guy's mind.MCP FCS fights are no more valid after marriage.Trying to dominate will lead to drastic results.